By Tim Bradbury, Director of Coaching, Eastern New York Youth Soccer Association
It is that time of year again.
The cones come out, the clipboards appear, parents suddenly become talent scouts and children begin carrying around levels of stress that would challenge many adults.
Tryout season has arrived.
Over the years, I have spent countless hours trying to reduce the anxiety surrounding tryouts. Sometimes I succeed. Often, despite everyone’s best intentions, the process still creates far too much stress, disappointment and heartache.
The reality is that we have created a system that frequently asks children to place far too much importance on a single evening or a couple of training sessions.
That makes little sense.
Many of the players attending tryouts are still years away from physical maturity. Some are early developers, some are late developers and many are simply trying to figure out how to coordinate their growing bodies. Yet we often behave as though a few hours in June can accurately predict what a player will become at 16 or 18.
It cannot.
To make matters worse, we continue to rush children into environments they may not be ready for. Players who would benefit greatly from 3v3 and 4v4 soccer are often pushed into 7v7 and 9v9 games. Clubs race toward bigger fields, bigger teams, more competition and more selection.
Faster is not always better.
In fact, it often isn’t.
Perhaps a few Club Directors might spend some time examining the approach taken by the Belgium Soccer Association. Their emphasis on development before selection is worth serious consideration.
Until then, here are a few thoughts for everyone involved.
A Few Philosophical Reminders
Tryouts Are Not a Life Sentence
At younger ages, tryouts are simply a snapshot in time.
Nothing more.
A player who is selected today may struggle tomorrow. A player who is overlooked today may flourish next year. Development is rarely linear and almost never predictable.
Learning Is Messy
Children grow at different rates.
Some have technical breakthroughs at nine. Others at 13.
Some gain confidence early. Others take years to find their voice.
The idea that every player should be evaluated against the same timeline is one of youth sports’ biggest misconceptions.
Find the Right Environment, Not the Highest Badge
Parents and coaches should focus on finding the environment that best supports development.
Not the team with the fanciest logo.
Not the league with the most letters.
Not the bumper sticker that looks best on the back of the car.
The best team is the one that gives the player the greatest opportunity to learn, grow, play and enjoy the game.
Soccer Is About More Than Soccer
Making friends matters.
Learning to communicate matters.
Developing confidence matters.
Being part of a team matters.
The social lessons children learn through sport often last far longer than the tactical lessons.
Read the Stories
Read about Michael Jordan being cut.
Read about Jamie Vardy playing non-league football.
Read about the countless athletes who experienced rejection before finding success.
Setbacks are not roadblocks. Often, they are simply detours.
Coaches Need Courage
One of the most important jobs a coach has is helping players and parents understand where they currently stand.
Those conversations require honesty.
They also require empathy.
Being truthful and being kind are not mutually exclusive.
What Good Tryouts Actually Look Like
Good tryouts should look like soccer.
Not obstacle courses.
Not relay races.
Not line drills.
Give players opportunities to play.
1v1.
2v2.
3v3.
4v4.
Let them make decisions.
Let them solve problems.
Let them show who they are as players.
At older ages, some evaluation should naturally take place in the format they actually compete in, but even then, the game itself should remain the primary teacher and evaluator.
A Few Requests for Parents
Watch from a respectful distance.
Your child is already nervous enough.
Trust me, they know this matters.
The car ride home is not the time for a detailed performance review.
No postmortem.
No analysis.
No discussion about the missed chance, poor pass or questionable decision.
Try this instead:
“I enjoyed watching you play.”
Then leave it there.
You may be surprised how powerful those five words can be.
Finally…
When the team lists come out, remember this:
Your reaction becomes part of your child’s education.
Children are always watching.
They are learning how to handle disappointment.
They are learning how to respond to adversity.
They are learning what really matters.
Long after they have forgotten which team they made at 10 years old, they will remember how the adults around them behaved.
Keep perspective.
Show empathy.
Stay calm.
And remember that the goal is not to raise elite 10-year-olds.
The goal is to raise healthy, resilient, confident young people who love the game and want to keep playing it.